Well, we’ve both been busy.  Tom’s been finishing up shit for his course, and in between exams I’ve been doing my Nuzlocke run of POKMANZ YELLOW PIKAJEW EDITION. Let me explain…

What’s a Nuzlocke run?

A Nuzlocke run is basically where you play pokémon (or if you’re MenK, whatever you damn please) with certain restrictions. The basic rules are as follows:

1) Only catch the first (usually non-duplicate) pokémon in each area and nothing else. If it dies, too bad, next area.

2) If a pokémon faints, it’s dead and can’t be used again.

3) (OPTIONAL) Nickname everything.

Why play yellow?

Well, I actually started my first run way back in april on Heart Gold, but frankly scrapped the idea as soon as I got to the first gym. You see, as all real men pick Chikorita for the sheer nails-ness it adds to the game, in the remakes Falkner tends to spam roost a lot, so I pretty much got turbo-raped. So, I went back to a simpler time. MUCH simpler.

But why not choose a game with abilities?

No. Abilities are gen 3 propaganda shitspawn that have no place in civilised society.

Why do we care about whatever it is you said you’re doing?

Generally, you record your progress in some way, either as video, as a story, or by drawing a comic. I’m doing it as a comic because I’m badass and that’s how I roll. I’ve been posting the comic on the Nuzlocke forums for a couple of weeks now, and to make up for doing nothing at all I’ll be posting it here too. So, if you want to read a badly drawn comic where a grown man becomes unnaturally attached to imaginary wonder pets, look no further. They’ll be posted here, on their own subdomain.

Actual review coming soon…

*(The last panel is in homage to 1HKO, a kickass webcomic by static. Read it from the beginning here )

A Victorian father has been jailed for thirteen years after offering his daughter up for prostitution to his trucker buddies, the abuse of this girl took place when she was thirteen to the point that even her father of 58 years decided to say one day, as his daughter was having sexual intercourse with one of his friends, “I think I’ll have a go.” – Of which the court heard at his trial.

The Victorian County Court heard substantial evidence of this man’s guilt including of which a video he recorded of his daughter having sex with one of the truckers while uttering the line above. The father of five groomed his daughter into become a prostitute by asking her if she wanted to make “some quick cash,” the court also heard.

- Now, although we all feel sorry for the girl. The moment you hear quick cash you’d agree too right? It sounds innocent enough even from your own father, but once he pointed to his friend Wild ‘Swollen Balls’ Bill and told you to have sex with him, the answer from the girls lips should have been an immediate – No.

The girl was often paid $100 to $200 for sex, also in a recorded conversation between the pair, the father claimed that he abused his daughter to ‘help her’ and because “it was good money”.

- Since when did blood fathers become such sick fucks? Isn’t it usually the stepfathers that attempt to rape, drown or sell their spouses offspring.

“There is no real explanation for your behaviour other than that you were prepared to sexually exploit a vulnerable young person for your own sexual gratification,” the judge reportedly said.

The judge said the father, whose name has been suppressed to protect his daughter’s identity, caused the girl “profound harm” and “seriously eroded her prospects of a normal life,”

He pleaded guilty to six counts including incest and having sex with a minor.

- Now pay close attention to the above, he admitted that he pleaded guilty to SIX counts incest and having sex with a minor, presumably his daughter.

The judge rejected the man’s claims that he molested his daughter because he had been a victim of sexual abuse from his mother. He will be registered sex offender for life and must attend sexual offence courses while in jail.

- There! There it is, just because the father as a little boy was apparently a victim of sexual abuse himself, he should have the molestation charges dropped. If the defendant admitted that he’s guilty of molestation why would you give him an excuse to avoid that extra three or four years jail time. Going by how he admitted it he almost sounded perfectly okay with what he had done.

And there it all is a news report to be stapled at the very beginning of 2010. Aren’t we all doing well?

The source of this report can be found here.

Anyways, his death, much like the death of Jimmy Sullivan from Avenged Sevenfold, was followed by about a trillion facebook status updates about how the metal world has been shaken to it’s very foundations.

FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

Okay, he’s dead. Feel free to be sad about his death. But cut the bullshit about how the world of metal is never going to recover from this loss. He was a shit bassist in a shit band. Move the fuck on. It’s hardly like Slipknot will find it hard to replace him, surely one of their other 27 members can play bass, right? Maybe that spastic who contributes nothing but hitting a keg and running around like a downs kid being attacked by wasps can finally step up to the plate. And for everyone thinking that Slipknot will finally break up (or hoping, in my case) it seems that his death hasn’t affected the way Slipknot conducts themselves, which is making money at every chance they get.

"Throw money at us to pay your respects."

Honestly though, I can’t really blame the fans for acting like his death is going to leave the world a barren wasteland, devoid of what these people think is amazing music. Metal is after all the most pretentious music there is, and this is coming from someone who occassionally listens to it. The average metal fan lives in a fantasy realm of Viking warriors fighting fierce, epic battles against a world of demonic injustice. Expecting them to realize that Slipknot is basically a boyband with poorer hygiene is the definition of “barking up the wrong tree”.

The band will not sound any different without him, unless you consider all the front row dipshits cutting themselves to be a separate instrument. And in a band with this many unneccesary members, you’re unlikely to care.

So, how about you all grow up and reflect on someone far more deserving of your grief.

Dio, stomping everyone's shit as always.

While we enjoyed putting our insipid rants and brief reviews in a public spot for all to see, what with there already being a trillion Maddox knock offs, we felt uneasy indulging in the ancient and noble art of stomping across someone else’s cabbage patch and becoming deeply unpopular in the process.

So, we’re starting fresh, from what this fine establishment was intended to be. A provider of insightful and witty commentary on a diverse range of topics, such as movies, music, gaming, and more. High quality content.

Hint: NOT THIS

Until then, stay tuned. We’ll be back to our regular schedule shortly, we hope. While you wait, go watch Peep Show or something, I don’t know.